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It’s not like that. Crap, I tell people all the time I won’t talk about something, either because it’s illegal, my employer doesn’t allow it (hello, this is my job, you know paychecks and hours and all that bullshit, even though I work at home), or I find it revolting. This isn’t like that. I’d do it if I could find a way to do it right, but the exact technology isn’t available anywhere I can find, anyway, and God knows I’ve looked.Let me tell you what I’m looking for, maybe you know something. An app, I’m looking for an app for my smartphone that I can use to unlock a padlock remotely. That’s all. Is that too much to ask of 21st century technology?That’s how simple my problem is. Oh, it’d be nice to have a couple of features, maybe a way to check the lock to get the status, you know, if it’s engaged, or it has been pried open or something. And a way to keep the number of the phone hidden would be nice, like a private number. Maybe a special notification ringtone I can set.. She looked to go into a state of near shock, her face turned as white as a ghost. “She told you about that? Oh my god. It was nothing Alan I swear. I’m so embarrassed. I had been drinking all afternoon one day and she came bouncing in like she always does, not even a knock on the door. Well, I had been reading an erotic novel about two women, and had literally almost nothing on, on the living room couch. Ashley and her dad had spontaneously gone out golfing and I was in a state of, well, I had been fucking myself, ok? Anyways, instead of running away screaming or excusing herself or whatever one would be expected to do in that situation, she just comes right over and asks what I’m reading. She read the back of it, asking if she could read it when I'm done, saying she’s really curious about sex with a woman." She grabbed his arm, continuing, "As if I don’t know about her and Ashley by now. Anyhow, when I went to the bedroom too, you know, get a robe or something, she followed.
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