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I said, "The first thing I want is next Saturday to be my day. And the first part of the deal is that any time you're in a skirt, you can't wear any undies." Tara laughed, she knew she never wore undies anyway when she was in a skirt, so that was any easy request.Saturday morning came around and the first thing I did when I woke up was remind Tara that today was my day, and she couldn't say No to anything I wanted.She agreed. Then, she reminded me she was meeting one of the girls at 3PM to play tennis but, other than that, the day was mine. I agreed and we got on with the days activities. I called a few of my friends and told them Tara would be playing a match today and I needed to go watch. If they weren't doing anything, they should bring some beer and we could watch together. About three of them said they would and I told them I would meet them there at about 2:30.At 1:00PM, I told Tara to get dressed for her tennis match. She said it wasn't till 3:00PM but I told her I wanted to. ’ I don’t know why I do this. I get frustrated and I just want to come to you, get re-centered in my world, and get back on my feet. But I never come right out and say it. I don’t say: ‘I had a stupid, minor, entirely avoidable car accident and that – combined with being a full time single-dad – has got me feeling like I’m running on empty.’ For the life of me, I wish I knew how to say ‘I haven’t felt this down since Marlene died.’ I just repeat myself. ‘I’m such a fucking idiot.’ ‘Should I be drinking, too?’ You ask. That makes me smile for a moment. ‘Only if you want. I’m just. . . Before I had kids. . .’ That’s a sentence that’s going nowhere, so I try again. ‘I’m just having a week where it feels like every day is harder to get through than the day before.’ ‘Something happen?’ ‘No, it’s something with me.’ And then I talk. I tell you about the frustration of being on my own over a year with the kids and suddenly realizing I have no idea where the wound disinfectant is in my own.
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