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Silence that forced her to hear the voice within that whispered analogous recriminations: ‘slut’, ‘selfish bitch’, ‘cunt’. It opened a hollow place inside her and allowed the self-loathing of the past ooze up from a cold darkness. She could feel Philip’s anger grow but she was indifferent. His rage no longer held hope for her. ‘My mother had a cat…’ Ai said. ‘Fuck your mothers cat, you prostitute bitch.’ ‘… I let it out once because it seemed to want out. I was eleven and we had rule that the cat was never to be let out of the house.’ Mei watched her slowly raise the bottle, saw, from the corner of her eye as the drip of condensed water fell toward her lap. ‘We found it dead three days later, just asleep under the car, or that was what dad thought. I knew she was dead.’ She took another long sip. ‘It tore my mother apart but I never explained to her why I did it … but you know why, Mei Chun. You know why I let the cat out.’ Weary from the effort of projecting her self-hatred onto. Not in that way just as your brother. I know now that I never really wanted you that way. You see Katie, I'm Gay."Mom looked at Robert. "What kind of trick is this Bobby? What do you mean your 'Gay'?" Katie didn't you ever wonder why I couldn't keep a girlfriend? It was because you were the only girl I could ever get it up for. For the longest tine I thought it was because I loved you! I guess in a way it was, but not the way thought it was. After you left, I was in a really bad place. Finally I went into therapy. It was only then that I realized that, you weren't the ONLY girl I could get it up for, you were the only GIRL I could get it up for." What happened that night was anger and jealousy, pure and simple. At the time I thought I was angry at Danny for taking you, and jealous that you loved him not me. It took a long time before I realized. I was angry at you for taking Danny, and that he loved you not me." Like I said. I was a confused, scared kid. Who didn't even understand.
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