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Sponsored by HRP Horny Ram Productions.’Underneath there was a list of cities and dates. Next Sunday would be at Santa Monica’s, reasonably close by. I grabbed my phone and pushed Luna’s contact number. Fortunately, she had it off, because it was about 6am in South America and she wasn’t exactly tolerant with my mistakes.I walked home, locked into my room and played female sumo on the old VHS. This was better for slow-motion replays but nasty, shaky rubbish for stills.Three soaked hankies latter I looked at the alarm clock, dressed up and had a fifty-minute long-distance call from mum’s phone with Luna.Gabriel’s family was taking her out for hiking in the Pampa, ending up with a local dinner and some barn dances.I tried to delete from my mind the image of Gabriel leading my curvaceous girlfriend in one of those Latin shuffles and told her about the contest. She had never heard of it but did know the mega sex-shop owner from her dedicated research on hand-job habits worldwide. The. Before the bombs, this would have been a pleasant suburb. But five years after the mists had changed that. Massive trees and vines grew across the ground; into houses and into chimneys. You can hear the chitter of carnivorous monkeys above, but you can’t be fucked with them right now. The cat is after you again.You skid left toward a house; ignoring the front door blocked by a thick root and instead slam against the tall fence door.Bang. Nothing. Locked. Shit.You scramble to your hip for your handgun and nearly lose your grip, but ha, its still in your hand. You aim at the handle and fire, once, twice, sending a fresh wave of excited cheers through the monkeys above.You slam your shoulder into the broken door and barrel through just as the creature leaps at you.You curse and scramble back on your ass, watching it flail and roar and reach for you, hunger in its dark eyes - but it's stuck. It's too wide, and its body is jammed between the house and the thick fence on its left.It nicks.
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