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The answer for me in those days was alcohol, and plenty of it. In looking back with more experience, I recall dozens of times when I was getting signals of interest that I either didn’t pick up on or was too scared to act on. But I digress. At the holiday party, I had been drinking heavily and gotten to the point where I was drinking glassfuls of Jim Beam on the rocks. I was sloppy and embarrassing frankly, and at one point, Tish pulled me aside and said she wanted to talk to me. We were in a hotel ballroom, and she took me to a hall, and told me that if I didn’t shape up I would be making a bad career move.Being drunk, horny, and smart-assed enough, I asked if she was going to stay with me to help keep me in line, and she said OK. The party had a casino theme, so we found a blackjack table, and played and talked. I blacked out most of the night from this point on, but I know that we sat together long enough for people to notice, but I wasn’t aware at the time. At some point, I asked. My feelings alternated between sheer excitement and fear about the reality that I was about to engage in "Gay sex" I was not sure what I felt about sex with another man perhaps because I was not sure if this would classify as gay. I forgot to focus on the sheer pleasure that I would experience as all I could think of the word gay. In my world there were lots of people I worked with plus a great uncle who were gay. Most men I knew were pretty cool about there sexuality but my uncle stood out as he was a very boisterous openly gay man who dressed and acted more effeminately. I guessed I would be seen like he was. I know now that has never been or will be the case. I did not get it that being gay means simply refers to who we share out sexuality with and nothing more.After a few phones calls and rescheduled meetings we finally arranged a day and time to meet. I drove to North Vancouver. I was so stressed out that I almost turned around and came home. Finally I got to their street but.
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