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We did our best to pretend to be Louis and Jack at work and school but I could FEEL that it was a losing battle. Daddy was acting more and more like a woman and he never wore ANYTHING masculine around the house any more and as little masculine clothing as possible to work. I actually tried to fight this overwhelming feeling but in the end, it was no use, no use at all. Mom did get us something to calm us down. It was some purple pills she had us take. We began with one a day, then two, then three, then four over a period of four weeks then stayed at four a day. Finals were long gone. It was coming up on the 4th of July. Strange things were happening to my body and mind and I'm not sure I was that much more calm."Jan, why is my chest sore and hard underneath?" "Don't you know Jackie?" "Gimme a break sis. If I knew, why would I ask?" "Oh, alright. Your milk glands are developing is all. Nothing to worry about but by the end of summer, you'll have to wear a girl's swim suit.. But sadly I never recovered from the waist down. Shortly afterwards 9/11 happened and my father, a former Army Sgt., re-enlisted. With my medical bills and the lawsuits still pending, he said the signing bonuses were too good to pass up. He died in a helicopter crash in Afghanistan on his first deployment.I couldn’t help but feel guilty, like this was somehow my fault, even though everyone told me I shouldn’t. He left behind my mother, who was his high school sweetheart, my sister Abby (who was roughly a year and a half older than me), my other sister Cindy (who was roughly a year and a half younger than me), and of course me. He also had a sister (my aunt Carol) who lived nearby. There was other family too, but they were spread out, and he was very protective of her after she got out of a bad marriage. When he left home he told me to “look after the women, especially your aunt Carol” I guess he didn’t have confidence in her ability to be alone.The whole thing sucked, my injury.
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