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It felt nice, I reflected briefly."Tell me what's going on. Please?"He was pleading now. I knew if I looked into his eyes I'd start crying again. I wondered if I'd made a mistake, but recognized it was too late to do anything about it."Look, Steven, there's a reason we can't be together. I don't even know how to start to explain it to you. I do love you," and my voice cracked, just slightly, as I admitted it again, "but I can't be with you. I want you to make love to me. You'll understand after, I promise. I need you to trust me, just for a little while."I steeled myself and met his gaze, his eyes searching my face. The frown and deep creases in his forehead remained. I almost started to cry again, but I managed to blink the tears away and hold my gaze steadily on his eyes.He studied me silently for several minutes, my hands relaxed inside his. I could almost see the wheels turning. I wondered what he was thinking, but knew better than to ask. I stayed quiet.Finally he appeared to. My instincts leapt at the opportunity and bid my muscles to flex to reach towards her, to seize her and to take her and to tear her asunder and to rend her limb from limb… All of this I saw so clearly in my mind, in an instant, as if I’d acted out the dreadful deed without a moment’s hesitation. But I had hesitated. More than that, I’d outright stopped myself. I had had no other choice, after all. For Sir would not have approved. How fortunate for us both there came a sudden, albeit quiet, knock at the door. ‘Yes, come in.’ I took a step back from the girl, forcing distance between us just in time for third party to enter into the room. The boy was young and beautiful–at least, by someone’s standards. It was the look that lingered in his eyes that I had noticed in few others. Vladimir Nabokov called them ‘nymphet’s.’ I called them degenerates. This one was quiet and shy, and he knew better than to meet my eyes as he slipped across the floor towards the girl. I watched him closely as.
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