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It wasn’t just thinking that maybe there was small changes going on in my body. I also felt there might be something wrong with my mind. I couldn’t really think straight. I used to be kind of intelligent but I couldn’t read anything more complicated then a girly magazine or I got a headache. I very rarely thought of anything more ambitious than new woman clothes I would like to buy, or how I might imaginatively combine items in my wardrobe to great sexy new outfits. I often felt weak-minded and a bit dizzy, and I found I only felt fully secure and stable when stefan was around to tell me things were ok. I felt thankful that he was around during this weak-minded phase to direct me what I should do, or how I should feel about something, or what I really wanted to say but couldn’t find the words, or spoke the wrong ones.My distracted, weakened state of mind did not go unnoticed at work. My boss thought I might be having mild burnout, and felt it was better if I went back to a half-week. That seemed like the best way to keep the sex fresh between us. And besides, I really didn’t want my mom and dad knowing about our arrangement. They knew I was dating Mike, but not anything about us sleeping together.” This was a lot for me to take in and I had to ask, “Was there anyone else?” “No, just Mike,” she met my eyes as she assured me. “Is that all?” I asked. “When did you quit seeing him?” “The night after my graduation from college,” she recalled. “I went to dinner with my mom and dad to celebrate, then told them I was going to celebrate with some friends, but drove over to Mike’s apartment and we spent the night making love.” Her voice trailed off very softly, barely audible, “I think that was the first night we didn’t have sex just for the fun of sex. We kissed, we made love, and we cried in each other’s arms because we both knew it was the end.” Then she took a deep breath and went on, “The next morning, I got a few hours sleep, kissed Mike goodbye, met my mom and dad.
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