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Todd and I were together off and on for about six years. Before Todd was Leroy who I dated a few years…”The weight of cumulative time, all which seemed wasted in my vain search for love, smothered any remaining story. I wanted this over with.“I’ve been with about a dozen guys over the years, a few short term, but most of them for a year or more,” I confessed trying to move past this discomfort. Of course, one relationship hadn’t always been exactly over before starting the next, but I wasn’t prepared to share that at the moment. I just worried he’d think I might cheat on him too, even though at those times it didn’t feel like cheating. In my mind the last relationship was over. I just can’t seem to end something unless I know what is waiting for me in the future. As I’ve matured, there is always this sense that I might miss something if I let go of it too soon. Then, when it is finally gone, I wonder what the consequences might be of wasting all that time with someone who wasn’t Mr.. "Good, me either." I could play that game too.We met at "The Hut". It was the only gay and lesbian bar in our small, college town. I was very persistent and before long, she let me into her heart. We hung out together. I slept at her house, usually on the couch, sometimes in her bed. We both slept in our clothes; there was no physical contact, no sex, for almost a month before she felt ready to commit to somebody.Laurie told me one night how she got tired, fast, of people using her. Instead, she decided to wait for a woman who seemed to have the staying power, to be around longer than a few good fucks.I should have seen the signs.She decided that I would "work out". We moved in together a couple months later. Laurie and I found a nice three bedroom home, close enough to the university and just far enough from the city lights.Life was good.We both shared a passion; we drank until they kicked us out at two in the morning, only to find ourselves at an "after hours" party at somebody's.
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