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I guided the tip of his penis to my opening, feeling it throbbing to the rapid beat of his heart. I could tell that he had never had a woman before. I thought to myself, ‘There’s nothing more wonderful than a sexually untutored young man with his fresh hard youthful penis, and an older, experienced woman. The boy with healthy ardour, the woman with knowledge of how to give and receive the joys of sex. I had been with such young men before, but, as it turned out, never one I felt such love and compassion for as Martin. He slid into me whispering diffident words of passion, trying to express what he was feeling, I responding with words of encouragement, reassuring him that I felt his manhood and desired it. Yet in truth, it was once again almost a motherly feeling. I wanted to comfort and sustain him, to pour myself out for him, to let him have from me all he could desire. In all the times I had been with other young men, I had never felt quite the same as I would come to feel with. Samantha told me how she found herself a weirdo among the city of Boston’s fast-growing Black collegiate population. They found her accent peculiar, along with her interests. I could totally relate. My Black friends from all over Boston found me weird because I used to play men’s varsity ice hockey at the college level back home and I love golf, bowling and tennis. I liked classical music, and hardcore rock and punk music. Yes, they thought I was weird too. Samantha and I were judged harshly by our peers in the Black community of Boston because we didn’t conform to their idea of what a Black person should be. A lot of Black female Americans I’ve met don’t respect a Black man unless he acts like a roughneck, uses coarse language and carries himself with the swagger of a mob hitman. And scores of young Black American men are eager to conform to that idea to please the young Black women they’re so desperate to impress. Both Samantha and I were proud of our Blackness. We simply refused.
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