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I think in truth I alwaysDID feel a desire to complete my physical transition, so that my body wascongruent with my gender identity. But the thing is, for the most part,the magnitude and complexity of the surgery, and the potential forcomplications, scared me off. In other words, my fear of the surgeryoutweighed my desire for the outcome.But gradually, over time, the balance began to shift. The daily remindersthat there was still this anomaly there, that my body did not whollyreflect who I deeply felt myself to be, began to grate: getting dressedin the morning and having to, well, "tuck" things out of the way; goingto the bathroom; wearing a bathing suit and worrying that something mightnot look "quite right"; being intimate with my partner. All of thesethings began to function as unwelcome cues that things were not as theyshould be.The tipping point came a couple of summers ago. My partner and I were ata friend's rural property with about ten other mutual friends, campingout,. I opened the door expecting the servant but it was her husband I was already very afraid of him. I asked where is she in a shivering tone for that he said that she is not feeling well and she has asked me to complete the work before. I could say anything he came inside the house and went inside the kitchen to work and I went and started to watch TV and after sometime I felt like peeing so I started going to bathroom for reaching the bathroom I have cross the kitchen and go and I went and locked the door and after few second I heard the front door being opened I was thinking of whom it could be. After that I started peeing and there in space for ventilation from where if anyone peep they can see me peeing after peeing when I was about to flesh the tub I saw someone peeping through that ventilation I just screamed and ran to see who it was when I reached the door Ramu came in and hold my hand and locked from behind and closed my mouth with other hand and dragged me inside room and.
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