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I look atthe jungle gym. I shut off my emotions. Maybe I'll do theemotional healing later. There is a solitary black womansitting on a bench under a streetlight. She throwsbreadcrumbs to pigeons."Scuse me. Are you someone I know?" she asks.I shrug."You on a bear hunt?" she adds. She has a kind voice, likea grandmother."A woman's gotta protect herself at night," I reply, a noteof humor in my voice."You've lost someone," she states."I have," I admit.She's either astute, or a great cold-reader."It's not who you think. You've lost yourself, honey," shepoints with her middle and index finger toward me, betweendraws from a cigarette.I sigh. "I guess, in a way I have." So, why did you do that?" she persists.I shrug, "My life was stolen from me by a very bad man. Mydaughter... my husband. Worse, this man, this monstermessed with my head, made me believe a bunch of reallymessed up stuff. I'm talking Charles Manson stuff. A woundlike that doesn't heal easily," I confess to the. By and by she must have learned to hate those moments, as they never brought what they were meant to do. They should feel liberating, but they didn't. They were supposed to be glimpses of a 'normal' and 'healthy' life, but whenever she tried to hang on to them, she failed. No wonder her already low self-esteem turned into self-disgust, which was the ideal frame of mind to welcome punishment and humiliation. It was a self-propelling wheel, fed by idle hope and certain defeat.And yet, she kept running back to them.Someone other than Angique would have long since given up on the girl. But she hadn't. She kept nudging Alicia on, even if she balked and fled at each new challenging step. Angique had allowed the girl to drag her through deep valleys of despair whenever she ran off ≠ — but she'd had no choice, had she? Living without Alicia was worse than living with her — or rather, it was impossible.Remembering the first time the girl's tongue touched her dirty boot Angique had known that.
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