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She loves to show off and I love to watch her doing so. This is something we discovered whilst on holiday after being interrupted by a hotel maid who ended up joining us on our bed.We booked into our hotel and when we got to our room on the fourth floor we noticed that it overlooked a quayside on the River Thames. We also noticed that they were putting up a new building opposite on the quayside that was just to the left of our window.The window itself was large and could give any one of the workers on this new building a clear view into our room. My immediate instinct was to close the curtains, at least a little, but Jay stopped me and said, "Leave them. I wonder how long it would take them to notice if I stripped naked in front of the window?" As I said before, she loves to expose herself and I love to watch her so I immediately agreed and pulled the curtains fully open again. We were on the fourth floor so no one but the builders opposite would be able to witness Jay putting on her. I didn't zone out, but there were lots of things to distract me, particularly if I ran during rush hour. That's when I started running to and from work, instead of driving my car. Rain or shine, cold or hot, it didn't matter to me. It was something to do that kept me from constantly thinking about my loss.Three years later I was finally able to think about her without crying. I probably should have stayed in therapy a lot longer than I did. Maybe that would have limited my mourning time to a year.Basically though, one day it finally occurred to me that I didn't have a life. I looked around and took stock. In the hotel room I had some clothes and three neatly organized accordion folders of my personal records. I had a few books. I swapped books at the local used book place, or got them from the library, so I didn't own that many. I still had a bunch of stuff in the self-storage place, but hadn't even been down there in over a year. I paid all my bills online from my computer at work,.
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