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I graduated nearly three years ago and I still get teased about Karen by my close friends. They even go so far as to keep me up to date on her life. I was told when she became engaged to and then married Rob Stark. Recently there was a spate of jokes at my expense when Rob's National Guard unit was called to active duty and sent to Iraq. Because obviously the way was now clear for me to move in and reignite that spark of love that existed between us in college.It was just a running joke and it didn't bother me. I have to admit, though, that deep down I have held a grudge against Karen since she belittled me so loudly in class that day. If I had the chance to take her down a peg or two I would've gotten a kick out of it.I don't stalk her. I don't actually think about her at all except when my friends bring her up to tease me. What are friends for if not to rub your nose in one of your greatest embarrassments?Except to avoid her I have not paid much attention to Karen since that day. I. The only way I could handle it was to basically shut down inside.It only got worse when they tried to set me up with a girl for matingpurposes.They tried dominant girls, they tried submissive girls. I found themattractive, but the thought of using the thing between my legs was a non-starter.A girl named Sara, who had been a close friend before my change, even hadthe bright idea of having some dresses made in my size, suggesting that ifI wanted to be girly, I could do that and no one would hate me for it evenif I was a guy.She just didnt understand that it wasnt the clothes I wanted.In fact as far as I was concerned putting pretty clothes would onlyhighlight my problem. As far as I could see the clothes were designed tomake a woman's body pretty. And I didnt have a woman's body.So all the clothes did was highlight what was missing.Not trying to knock any dude who could take that route. It just didnt workfor me.Which lead me to standing on the bridge, trying to summon the will.
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