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The priest who answered sounded tired.“Father, I’m desperately trying to contact Fr Tony Mulhern.”“I’m sorry. He’s left St Patrick’s and I have no forwarding address.”“Father, I’m the husband of the woman involved in all this. She’s disappeared, and it seems so has he. I was hoping to hear that the bishop had moved him, rather than he and Sally have gone off together.”“I’m very sorry for your situation but I really don’t know any more about it than you do. Can I suggest you ring the Bishop’s offices in the morning? They might be able to help you.” He gave me the number.“Thank you Father,” I said, realising what time it was! “I’m sorry to be disturbing you so late.”“Don’t worry about that,” he said. “I hope you get some answers. You must be very worried. God bless you.”I realised it was too late to do anything more and with a heavy heart I made my way to bed. I shut the wardrobe doors and the drawers. It felt as if I was shutting her out of my life, but I just wanted the room to feel. I’m thorough like that, and it calms my nerves. (No idea why I even have nerves. It’s just a sex toy, Ella!)Apparently, Jinn is made from completely natural materials that are entirely hypoallergenic, have excellent hygienic qualities, don’t crack, nor break, nor melt, nor provide a breeding ground for bacteria, nor lose color or function, or do any other things no one would want their sex toy to do. Jinn, the manual says, can therefore be worn practically constantly and in either orifice of your choosing. “Interesting,” I comment, slightly skeptical, and skip the cleaning instructions because if there’s one thing I know it’s how to provide aftercare to a sex toy. “What the hell are you made of, though? Actual unicorn tears from space?” I flip through the manual but find nothing. ‘Jinn is the last toy you will ever want or need’, the manual continues cockily (pun intended). ‘Like its namesake, it will fulfill your every desire. Be aware, however, that Jinn demands like recompense and.
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