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In middle age, it was too late to connect intimately. My funeral attendance was a duty without tears except for my sins of omission. I prayed she could hear wherever she landed in the other world.Did she have a secret puppet shadow? Who was she? I never knew her secrets, didn’t even know she was so deaf. Deaf and dumb, true. She was deaf and I, dumb. During funerals for parents and those of their era, my mind dwelt on their life summaries, what they did and didn't do. For those younger, it was their tragedy, of a life story cut short, their uncompleted actions. This funeral was of my generation, now beginning to be sporadically called to the other world, a pace that would accelerate. As the sterile, macabre platitudes of the secular service droned on, my mind wandered afar.Death, it’s final. Tomorrow the world goes on without her. She’ll soon be forgotten, yesterday’s newspaper. Death, the stop button on our life’s tape, a tape soon erased, a fading memory among those who knew her,. She’d practically lived here during the six months she and Kate had been seeing each other.‘Um, do you remember, Mrs Mi – Ruth, when I first met you?’‘Why, yes, of course. I remember it very well,’ I smiled. ‘You ended up over my knee with a very sore bottom!’I watched Judy blush at the memory.‘Yes, and I – I gave you authority to punish me whenever I needed it.’‘Yes, you did, didn’t you - only I’ve never needed to punish you, have I, because you’re such a lovely, well behaved young lady.’I smiled at her again. She hadn’t been the Head Girl for nothing. She’d also been a good influence on Kate – who hadn’t been getting into anywhere near as much trouble since she’d met Judy.If anything, Judy’s face went even more red.‘It may sound odd, but I sometimes wish – I sometimes wish I wasn’t so well behaved, Mrs Milton – sorry, Ruth.’‘What do you mean, darling?’‘It’s difficult to explain, Mrs Milton, but – but, sometimes, I’m just fed up with being the good girl all the time. I want to be.
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