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It consumes me, abandons me, beckons me,saddens me, disappoints me, arouses me. But, then, a breakthrough: arealization. Love is an idea; it is not real. Nothing we think orfeel--especially feel--is real.Only the moment is real. The now. The incident and the event are real,but only as long as they happen, for memories, also, are unreal.Very well. Let me explain. Perhaps an example will help. My breasts arereal when their weight is in my hands--or yours. They have density, then;they are tangible; they are measurable. Unmistakably, they haveexistence. But, after the moment, when they are no longer held, they arejust ideas, nothing more than memories.Eva, my former love, says I am too philosophical: "too philosophicalfor your own good," she says. (She is not philosophical enough for herown good, I say.)Thom (is it pretentious to include the "h"? I maintain that it is; Thomor Tom insists it is not and tells me that I am a snob.)Only recently, I have begun to consider not only my breasts,. The sound and headlamps of an approaching motorcar froze her against the seawall and she felt her heart beat a lot faster as the bright lights outlined her in her transparent night shirt against their solid bulk.“Come over here, little sparrow, do you have any identification?”She was relieved to see the blue light of the police car and knew the man was a policeman despite not wearing a uniform.Angelica regretted the fact he was not in uniform because she simply adored a man in uniform. She had consorted with a pair of uniformed policemen just the previous month because her twin sister was down with a bad cold and she had to carry on for both of them. The aggressive men really put her through her paces in several different positions and had even showed her some new tricks that she had never seen before. They probably had learned them from the whores that they rounded up every night just to keep the evil-minded village wives happy at their discomfort.The street women were not really.
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