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And I can’t deny that I play it all over and over again in my mind until morning.I lose privacy privileges again a few days later. I smashed the mirror in the bathroom and cut a wrist with a shard.I’m not suicidal, but I do have a masochistic streak, it would seem.I tell myself it’s to annoy him, to damage the goods so that when he’s finally used me up and returned me to my father, Dad can see the physical toll.Secretly I just want to see what he’ll do.In the initial minutes, he’s rough with me. He catalogues the immense flow of blood flowing from my wrist, the puddle at my feet, the paleness of my face.“Shit. What did you do?”He tugs me out of the bathroom. I’m shaking by the time he pushes me down on the bed.“Stay,” he orders, as if I could go anywhere else.He leaves the room only to return a minute later with a first-aid kit. That he has such a thing at all strikes me so bizarre that I can’t repress a laugh.I receive a glare. “You really need stitches.”He treats me. It stings. She rarely acted on the spur of the moment, and the moment she said that she wasn’t going to tell, I knew that she had planned this encounter out. She was the exact opposite of her twin brother, who was all impulse and was terminally oblivious to the consequences of his actions.“Okay, Rachel. I know you too well. What do you want?”“I don’t know how to masturbate. Can you show me like you’ve been showing Matt?”“Oh, honey, of course.” This was something I was happy to do for her. Had she asked a few months ago, I would have limited my instruction to just telling her how, but I’d already broken that barrier with Matt, so a little hands-on instruction couldn’t hurt. “Have you tried?”“Sort of, but I’m afraid of hurting myself.”I turned on the light and climbed out of bed. “Okay, take off your nightgown. Get naked,” I told her as I shed my own nightgown. Rachel stared wide-eyed at my body and then got of bed and tentatively took off her nightgown. I had never appreciated it before, but.
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