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I’m going to have to slap the shit out of you.One old lady to another: I went to my HMO Dr. today.Other lady:I think our doctor is an HMO, but Frank thinks he’s straight.The seven dwarves of menopause: bitchy, itchy, sweaty, sleepy, bloated, forgetful and psycho.Why we love children!!A kindergarten told his teacher he’d found a cat, but it was dead.“How do you know that the cat was dead?” she asked.Because I just pissed in its ear and it didn’t move, answered the child innocently.“You did what?” the teacher exclaimed in surprise. “ you know,” explained the boy “I leaned over and went pssst into its ear and it didn’t move.”An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, how do you expect to get into heaven? He thought it over and said “well I will run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door, until St. Peter says, come in or stay out!It was that time during the Sunday morning service, for the children’s sermon. All the children were. I was frustrated but not upset, because she was a good dancer and I had enough experience not to take her teasing personally. In any case, not only was I hard, I had a full bladder from two beers, so I waddled off like a bow-legged cowboy sore from the saddle to find a quiet bathroom in the back of the house, past the old dining room and next to the garage. On my way to the bathroom I realized I had a bit of a quandary: Being so hard it would be really hard to pee, so jerking off first would be useful, but my balls were so sore that that would be painful and the pressure of my bladder would be a major distraction. I had decided I’d just have to stand there for five minutes as my tubes relaxed enough to let me pee fully erect (which I can do, but it’s boring, tedious, and hard as hell to aim right) and had my zipper open and my cock out as I barged into the bathroom without knocking. There was one of my friends' housemates standing on a stool watching himself jerk off into the mirror.
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