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My penis,er clitoris, after being flaccid for about a year now, was pretty darnsmall and easily pushed flat with my maxi pad. My testicles were the mostannoying part of my body, for sure. Totally worthless at this point, atleast they could be pushed up into my lower abdomen and hidden from view.At this point I hated my male genitals, a lousy reminder of what mygender used to be.In therapy, Deborah was helping me explore my feminine side as a youngwoman with a career ahead of me. She also began to help me think about myrights and how they were violated when those men had kicked me out of mydorm. In truth I had never really dealt with the emotional abuse Ireceived at the hands of those assholes. I also began to think seriouslyabout having gender reassignment surgery, but had no way to pay for it.My Ben was in love with me, at least he was as Beth. But he was gettingtired of me telling him that my virginity was being saved for marriageand that he could not touch me down there. I could. I had to tell her now, tell her I wanted him. I didn’t think she’d mind so more seriously I said, ‘Lena, I want him this week. I want him at least one more time on his own before we go back to Nardo’s and you get married. I need to thank him properly for all this. Without him none of this would have happened. Lena, you don’t mind do you?’ ‘No, of course not Jo,’ she said, ‘it might be a good idea to give him a few days to recover. He’s had a really hard three days and I think they’ve taken it out of him. What about waiting till Tuesday?’ ‘Mmm, that sounds OK, Tuesday it is.’ ‘What about Guy?’ ‘Well,’ I looked at her and smiled. She would have him while I had Mike. I was the least I could do. ‘I wondered whether you could take care of him while I’m with Mike. Mind he’s quite a handful, but you don’t have to.’ She laughed, ‘Oh, I certainly will.’ Then seriously, ‘Are you sure Jo, really sure?’ ‘Lena, I’m as sure about this as I am about marrying him. Can you believe he asked me. Isn’t.
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