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He didn’t eve strike a pose, just turned is natural stance and footing into a beautiful dive and grabbed my shoulders. Twisting us, he brought me down and I couldn’t get leverage to kick. We went down into a near bear hug as the full brunt of his weight hit me. For a brief moment a very feminine part of me thrilled at the hard, heavy press of a male body against mine, but then my voices kicked in. He was like a constrictor, the more I fought the more his hold tightened, until I could barely breathe. I fought my past selves every bit as much as I fought Stellan, and when I realized that was my error, I went limp. I called mercy after just a few minutes. *** We struck an odd friendship then and there and spent the next three months training. I wont lie, we each felt out the other’s weaknesses like patient predators, but soon enough I was getting better. The key was to organize my thoughts, quiet the voices that wouldn’t help and call forth those who did. At times I even gave my body. I told her my name was Angelique Sophie Jonckers, born near Brussels in 1981, about 24 years old when we first met. Even though I gave her a wealth of details about my physique, my past, my business and the place I live, she might doubt them just as I doubt hers. In her own words: I could as well be 'a man ... or have some horrible disfigurement ... you might be some archbishop or king or prime minister or whatever... 'I am none of that, but I guess that is beside the point. What has always been very much the point was the fact that Alicia considered our relation in cyberspace as a fantasy — incomplete and therefore inferior to 'real time.' My love had no credibility for her. She often told me she loved me and I guess she did, but to her it was an abstract kind of love. Pledging her love was like a turn of phrase, I guess. And to my shame I have to admit that it took me years before I understood. You see, I never wondered who Alicia was in whatever 'real time' there might be. I fell.
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