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Stan got better the last third of 2003, but he began to deteriorate again right after New Years. At first, his doctors thought he could be helped by another transplant. Stan adamantly refused. He lived a long time with a borrowed liver, and it was clear to him he wouldn't survive a long time with another one, as he had other health problems at the end. He didn't want to take away someone else's chance, by removing a liver from the too small inventory of cadaver organs.We had some marvelous talks in the last month. We said all the things we needed to say to each other. He might have suffered some, just before he died, but he took no drugs in that last hour. We were talking. I was holding his hand. He squeezed my hand, said "I love you," and his hand went slack. His chest stopped moving. His eyes went dull. He was gone.There was no sign of pain on his face. The doctor said his heart stopped.Some of you knew the story of my nude photos. This is not the time to rehash the story, but I. For me?"She saw the first hint of deception show on his face. But then he frowned, and his eyes stared without mendacity into hers."I don't know, to be honest. I have never been married. I'm not sure I know what love is, or if it can snare me. Her Ladyship says all of us should explore the aspects and attributes of many, before we decide to settle down. I suppose that's what I am doing." So I am just one more pretty doxie for you to conquer, while you try to discover whether you can love?" Her eyes flashed."I think that unfair," he said, and she saw honesty on his face. "Do I find you pleasing to look upon? Yes. Does the thought of being intimate with you excite me? Most surely. Do I think you some brainless wench, upon whom I can work my will? Absolutely not. I think you are pretty, and steady, and strong. In just these few minutes I find you are not brainless by any stretch of the imagination. Would I find out if I can love you ... and if you can love me?" He blinked several times..
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