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A few more minutes of this and they stop and tell me I’m ready for the next phase. With that they unhook me from the ceiling and redo the cuffs behind my back and lead me to the bathroom. As we’re walking in one of them says he’s about to show me something that before today I would have never believed.With that they have me stand facing the mirror. There I am standing there with my hands cuffed behind me as they are on each side of me facing toward me. It’s so unnerving to be looking in the mirror and seeing myself completely naked surrounded by these two guys that are completely clothed as they are running their hands all over my body. One of them grabs my face and forces me to make out. When he stops I can see in the mirror that the other has taken his shirt off. The other one grabs me and forces kisses. Again when finished the other has taken his shirt off too. Now for the good part, one of them says. I can see that he has found the lotion on the counter and squirted some. Sitting on the bus I could feel my world falling apart. Without Col’s friendship, I couldn’t face this life. This time I would get a knife.There was a calmness after that decision and I sat watching the scenery flow by. Even though it hadn’t snowed for nearly a week, there were still patches of snow clinging to the shade under trees and hedges. I knew they would be talking about this winter for over 50 years.From the bus, I walked home. My mother was still at work but my sister might be home – but not today, it seemed. I scrabbled for the key behind the step of the shed and let myself in. Selecting a sharp knife from the kitchen drawer, I went out, locking the door and putting the key back in its place.If I wasn’t home, I knew my mother would assume I was at Col’s house, so I would have plenty of time. I walked down the garden, over the fence and into my secret garden.Under the cedar, the needles were dry and provided a cushion of sorts. I’d been here before, so I knew the drill. I.
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