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After all the excuses and other crap, it boiled down to one phrase. I slept with Sean because I wanted to and I continued the affair because I could. This is the one thing that Phil, my counselor, and I finally figured out. I knew that you loved me without any reservations. You had always tried to give me anything and everything I wanted. Over time I came to believe that if it was what I wanted than it was ok. In retrospect, I had become a completely selfish person. My wants and desires took precedence over you and our children. My husband and family became secondary to my needs and me. I'll admit that initially there was some guilt but it wasn't long before I never gave my actions a second thought."With a little fear on her face and a slight tremble in her voice she continued, "I know that what I just said is probably very harsh. I could probably have tried to sugar coat it some or maybe give it a slant to try to make myself appear to be less selfish. I know that my words continue. “For you,” she says, “if you remember what these even are.”I open the bag. Inside, there's a white blouse, two dresses, a pair of dress pants.Clothes. How long has it been since I got dressed? And these aren't mine. Well, maybe they are now, but they must be Lucy's.“Lucy, what's happening? Where's Bolvek?”“He had an accident.”I won't ask her to elaborate. I don't care if he's in the brig or stuffed in a fridge somewhere.“So then...”“So I'm in charge now, Marna. And I say you get to wear clothes if you want to. I also say you don't have to remain in this cell anymore.”She risked everything. For me?“I thought you might want to take one last shower while I awkwardly stand outside,” she says.I feel myself smiling. “I think we're past that point,” I say.She brings me to the shower, but instead of standing like a sentinel and monitoring me, she joins. The shower is just spacious enough that she's able to wiggle her naked body in next to mine, and it's not long before our hands are all over.
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