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"You remember I told you my mom used to have the Met broadcasts on every Saturday afternoon, and it's why I decided I wanted to sing opera?" she asked, her voice muffled."Yes." Well, I was, I don't know, eleven or twelve, something like that, and just finding out I had maybe the makings of a real voice, and one Saturday it all came together for me. I remember like it was yesterday. And all of a sudden I just sat up and looked over at Mom and said to her, 'I'm going to sing that, and I'll sing it better than she's doing.' I don't even know who the soprano was that day, and it's not important because I didn't stop there, I said, 'I'll sing it better than anybody ever has in the history of the world!'" I could feel her shaking her head against me."Don't tell me," I said, "the opera that day was—" Tosca, " she said, grabbing me with both arms and pressing her face even harder into me.So that was what this was all about.In a moment she sat back up and let me go, reaching out to take my. Jogging, bowling, tennis, cards ... just everything.”The friend orders a beer and pauses to think. “I know,” he exclaims, “Challenge her to a pissing contest.”“A pissing contest?”“Surely you can out distance her on that ... do it on the front lawn so you can see the difference.”“Ok, I’ll do it.”So he goes home and says to his wife, “I challenge you to distance pissing contest. We’ll meet on the front lawn after dark.”So they each prepare themselves drinking lots of beverage prior to the contest. After dark they meet and the husband suggests the wife go first. So she drops her drawers and lets out with a modest shower.Hubby steps up, drops his drawers, and grabs his “equipment”. His wife says, “Ah, no, dear. No hands allowed.”A woman goes into a store and buys a beautiful green and blue parrot. But the only words the parrot knows how to say are: “Who is it?”She takes the parrot home, but soon realizes that the bird’s color clashes with the living room. So she calls an Interior.
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