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I just didn’t want to be embarrassed when we went back home. I imagined that everything good that had happened to me in the last month would suddenly evaporate. And I’d already started concocting a fantasy about coming home with a medal and invitation to the National Singles Tournament.“Who told you that?”“I just assumed. They give me an athletic scholarship, they expect me to perform, you know?”“Tony, nobody is judging you by your first college tournament. Be realistic. You’re a freshman. The guy who just beat you is a senior and is seeded fourth in the country. It was a bad draw. Relax.”I could think of one great way to relax, but she shoved me toward the bleachers and I plopped down to watch the women’s first flight. I just stayed in front of the same court I’d played on. I pulled a sketchbook out of my bag and a piece of charcoal. I caught a couple people in the crowd who held still for a few minutes while they talked and I quickly sketched them. I flipped to another. He took each piece and with quick hands soon had one end of each tied to each one of the cuffs. He tugged on them a bit testing the knot and I felt the first quivers of what some call subspace. For me subspace is almost an altered state. I seem to lose all sense of what is around me, the only thing that exists is what I’m doing and what is being done to me. It’s a very freeing state, and I think that this is the reward that many those in BDSM seek.He slowly tied the other end of each rope to a corner of the bed, I heard him say softly “It really is too bad this isn’t a four poster bed, but we’ll make due” and I let his words create an image in my mind of four columns of wood, the kind with the ball on the top. He made sure that I had some movement of my arms and legs, not enough to touch anything but enough to keep any muscles from cramping. This wasn’t about pain, this was about deprivation. He whistled softly, some tune I didn’t know, as he went back to his bag and pulled.
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