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She tried to wrap her arms across her breasts, but the clerk pushed them down so that they could see her. Tati tried to turn herself to avoid their gaze, but they had her trapped against the steel racks and she had no room to move. ‘You are a very pretty girl Tati. Your breasts are very full for such a young girl,’ the clerk said as her hand reached up to Tati’s breasts but stopped short of touching them. Tati held her breath as she watched the woman’s hand hover only an inch from her tender skin. The woman cupped her hand under one breast as if to hold it, but still never quite touched the girl. Her hand moved from one breast to the other as Tati watched and waited for the woman’s hand to stroke her breasts, but it never happened. When it lowered away, Tati finally took a breath of relief. But somehow, she felt almost a slight disappointment that the woman hadn’t touched her. ‘Very good Tati. This will all be over soon. I would like you to remove your skirt now,’ the clerk. I feel that hurt and anger. It is because I was born withthat genetic defect that said I should be playing with gunsand trucks instead of dolls and jewelry. Part of me neededto rebel and wear that dress but part of me said not tohurt anyone else so be what I appear to be even though thatgenetic defect eventually changed me in ways that wasdifferent from what I would have liked my body to change.I also feel the hurt and anger of others. Some of usconstantly lash out way out of proportion to the situation.Some of us want to do violence because of our pain. Theirpain is my pain. I feel my sister?s pain because mydaughter lashed out at her inappropriately.And most of society won?t let us get the peace that HRT andSRS would give us. We didn?t choose this way our bodiesdid. And when we do try for that peace others will insistthat we do what they say. They may even go to court toenforce it. In reality we need the outer peace as much aswe need the inner peace.But I will love and continue the.
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