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The younger me bursts through the front door of the tiny apartment shouting an over-joyed greeting to…the paperboy. The child me is crestfallen, and I feel that inside all over again and seeing this scene replayed made me remember why things like this stuck with you through life. Seven years after this, and I’ve moved up north to a new suburban place and school leaving everything I ever knew behind me. I’m walking through my front door after a strange unremarkable first day. I remember thinking that I’d done well of just sinking into my surroundings until my grandmother walks past me and pulls a sign off my back. Another milestone in rejection and disappointment for me. Same father, eleven years later and I’m not getting out of bed for something it’d be better that I didn’t go to. He’s not understanding this…and he’s ripping the posters off of my walls. Fury is being reborn inside me and I’m out of my bed and screaming at him, and he’s slapping me. Inside my heart on this other. All these things I told myself to hide the fear I felt.At about 12.30am I heard her key in the door. Fear came to me now. Fear of doing what I was about to do and fear that I would end up looking like a complete fool. In she walked looking so fucking sexy it made me want to praise the god I don't even believe existed. She was wearing a black dress that had a long skirt but was cut low at the front allowing me to marvel at the truly wonderful pair of breasts I knew for a fact lay beneath. She smiled at me and walked up the stairs shouting to me as she went that she was getting changed and not to go anywhere. I appreciated the delay if I'm honest. A chance to regroup and muster some courage. As I was going through my pre-rehearsed 'please let me touch you' spiel I heard her call down to me and ask for some 'help'. I walked up the stairs with my heart beating almost out of my chest and as I turned the corner to her bedroom I could see the door was open just a crack. My mind flashed back.
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