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I was depressed. I couldn't eat. I couldn't sleep. All I didwas work, then go home and watch TV. I watched lots of romantic movies.I started to really enjoy them. It took many months before I started tocome out of it. But when I did I found I was somewhat more outgoing thanbefore. I got better at making an impression. I learned how to almostsweep a girl off her feet by paying attention to what interested her andfocusing on her. I was funny. I was charming. She was flattered by allthe attention I paid to her. I could get a first date, but they wereusually a disappointment to her. I had no second act. After sweeping heroff her feet with all the attention I didn't know what to do next. I wasboring. I got a little better. There were a couple of girls where we had a halfdozen dates. I even had sex with a couple of them. It was better thanwith my wife, but not amazing for me and apparently not too great for themeither. The big change for me came one night when I was. Naturally, you are ready to take advantage of the situation and you grab a skillet and CLANG! There goes two. I know I haven’t much time so I jump back up to the wheelhouse and reach up to the console while shoving the port engine into reverse just as pirate three rounds the corner of the aft deck. The sudden spinning of the boat flips him neatly over the railing so its three down and one to go. I grab two’s gun and step onto the deck, and when pirate four realizes he is outnumbered he makes a quick but smart decision and jumps over the side to join his friend. We throw a pair of life jackets in after them, and in a moment the unconscious pirates one and two are tossed over the side to join their friends, wearing new life jackets just to show we are civilized, which is likely more than they would have done for us. Now we turn our attention to the old pirate boat, motoring alongside us, still blissfully unaware that their friends are doing a five mile dog paddle to shore. We know.
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