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"Turn around." I traced my finger along the bottom one. "Are they sore?? She looked down over her shoulder but of course couldn't see them. "I? I don't know?? she said hesitantly. "Maybe I sat on something. I think I perched on a hand rail Saturday afternoon. Maybe that did it.? It seemed doubtful to me but I let it pass. I felt something nagging at me again. I finished in the bathroom, got dressed and joined her in the kitchen. It was beer o'clock, so I grabbed a cold one while she fixed a drink. We sat together on the sofa; after having been apart I just wanted to be close to her. "That was a bit different." I said. "Mmmm? what do you mean?" She asked. My arm was around her, holding her close. "Well? you usually want me to be a bit more gentle than today." "I just missed you, that's all." She smiled at me. "You didn't seem to object." "Well" I grinned at her "absence makes the hard grow longer." She laughed and nudged me in the ribs with. But I wanted none of thosethings. How was I going to cope? What could I say to my friends? In amatter of a few days I would have changed enough for everyone to notice.My first impulse was to hide away. I'd go home and drop out of school. Iwas eighteen. No one could stop me. I'd get my GED and move to anothertown - somewhere where no one knew me. But then what? I'd still be agirl, wouldn't I? Sure, I wouldn't have to face any of my old friendsagain, but I'd still be female.I suddenly began to think of all the little things being female wouldmean. It wasn't just the sex; I could avoid that. I vowed then and thereto never let a man between my legs. But I'd be expected to look like agirl, dress like a girl, and act like a girl. I wasn't prepared to doany of that any more than I'd let a man have me. But what could I do? Myfeatures would soften and there would probably be no mistaking me for aboy. I heard Dr. Marlin say something about the girl I would change intowould be the girl I might.
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