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.. but to be a real whore I had to let Trixie free again. She's not like a mask anymore that I can pick up at will, wear for awhile for fun and then safely put away all neat and tidy again. She's me ... sometimes even the most real part of me, and I now feel like Kathy has now become the mask that Trixie wears when she needs to be dull and boring for awhile. Trixie wants and needs to be a whore, to screw everyone at the club that she can and she won't let me quit now! It's like a drug to her, but worse! She knows that it will eventually destroy her but she doesn't care – she wants to drown herself into the biggest sea of depravity that she can find and Platinum Girls is going to be too 'safe' and too respectable for her sometime soon. Already she wants to be used in deeper and darker and more degenerate ways than I could ever admit to. Just let me go and let her destroy herself ... and not hurt you or Amy, or even Anne any further. They both love you, especially Amy who needs you far. ‘You’re wrong, Christie. I just hope I can convince you of that before you ruin everything. You’re going to ruin your own life, not just mine.’ Christie sat up to sit at the edge of the bed and turned on the light. The sudden sight of him, naked and beautiful in the glow of the lamplight, took her breath away as it sometimes did. She felt a prickling at the back of her eyes. She squeezed them shut hard for a second to fight it. When she opened them she said, ‘My hopes were destroyed when I was fifteen. What I want no longer matters. I’m only thinking of what’s best for you.’ ‘You matter, Christie!’ He took her by the shoulders, so frustrated he wanted to shake her. He felt a flush of shame at the panicked look in her eyes, remembering the way Steve treated her. He clutched her to him, both to reassure her and so he wouldn’t have to see it. ‘We have a few weeks before I have to respond,’ he said quietly. ‘We’ll think of something. Now let’s lie down. I really need you right now.’.
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