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Remember that?"Penny felt tears come into her eyes as she did remember the many times her mother helped her or Tabs, comforted them, protected them. Motherhood was more than just having babies. It was a commitment for nearly twenty years, nurturing your child. If the child's father was there to help in the raising of the child, that made it so much better, but still it was the mother who invested most in the child.Penny now knew that to marry and have children was not something to enter lightly. She would have to think about what she wanted to do with her life. That was exactly what John had told her, but she had brushed it off. That man was wiser than she had given him credit for, she realised. He was not refusing to marry her, he was giving her space and time to assess her life choices.Penny went to bed alone, thinking about what she had learned today. Gloria popped in, to ask her what she was doing. "Don't you want another night with John, Penny?"Penny stared at Gloria, then. It was beyond anembarrassment, she felt shamed and hopelessly inadequate, she had wished shecould just curl up and fade away. Even then what shehad really worried about was how disappointed he might be at her failure. Andthen he had burst out laughing. For her that was the worst possible reaction hecould have had. Though perhaps upon reflection the best she could have hopefor. Hetried to talk to her about it later but she couldn?t. She tucked herhumiliation away in a private spot and went on. She had forgiven him of course, it was forgetting that was impossible. Now she onlywent down on him when he asked it of her, but it always brought back that unpleasantmemory of a gagging throat and the raw pain of her nasal passage with salty cumerupting from her nostrils as she retched. Thosedark moments were long past and for him and probably long forgotten. She wasn?teven sure he realized she had an aversion to oral sex, he never mentioned herlack of enthusiasm and she always tried to.
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