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Word got around that he was really religious—at least, that’s what a number of girls said Elf had told them—and that he was saving himself. Except that Jake saw no evidence of any religious tendencies in his friend. No bibles, no prayer, and he slept in most Sundays. When Jake raised the issue of religion with him, Elf shrugged noncommittally and said something about being Episcopalian. He was puzzled for a long time until he started to suspect that Elf was actually gay. At first, the thought made him anxious in all the usual homophobic ways, worrying him that his best friend might be checking him out or sought to seduce him. But Elf never gave him that vibe, and eventually Jake concluded that if he was gay, he wasn’t interested in Jake. And that was fine. But he also didn’t want to sabotage his friend, so he confirmed for all Elf’s moon-eyed admirers that he was, in fact, deeply religious. Almost as soon as he came to the relieved conclusion that Elf wasn’t into him, that relief. They were the dangerous ones. Some of them figured if I was willing to get naked I was willing to go all the way! Wrong answer! Mostly those guys were polite about it though, and if I said no they'd accept it, so long as I gave them a blowjob. But one day, early on in my career, I met a guy named Mr. Lawson and he would not take no for an answer!Mr. Lawson was married too and his wife just couldn't seem to get pregnant. They'd tried everything and now it was time for artificial insemination. She was pretty I'd thought, sitting there in the waiting room for her husband to fill his little cup. Blonde with large breasts that I envied. And that almost stopped me, really, because I didn't want to get him in trouble, you know. But I was sort of horny and Mr. Lawson was a nice looking man, sort of ruggedly handsome like the Marlboro Man. He belonged outside and I wondered what his balls looked like.So, 10 minutes after he went into his little room I walked in too, acting quite shocked to.
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