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Maybe I am unable to see the whole picture as you believe you can. I am too close to the problem. But if I am, aren’t you? You were my playmates, my confidants. How can you separate yourselves from what I have become? You helped me to become who I am. Don’t you feel somewhat responsible? You, who once loved me, now act as strangers and therefore able to judge me. Fine, you wish to betray me. Now is your chance. I cannot deny what I did. I am ready for your verdict. They appear to lean toward each other conspiratorially, attempting to keep secret what I already know. Stealing glances out of the corners of their plastic eyes, they whisper their final judgment to each other. Teddy and I watch them closely as they discuss the verdict. What is there to discuss? The evidence is overwhelming, the verdict already decided and the sentence begun. I realize that none of them are looking directly at me during this phase. They seem uncomfortable that they are not able to leave the room in order. Between the running and this, Ifelt like I was in control of myself for the first time since everythinghappened.The week was hard. Did I like getting up at 5:30 every day? No. Did Ilike not being able to move my arms and legs? Not really. But twothings kept me going. First and foremost, I was not going to lose thebet. If I had to cut off my foot, I was not losing. The second was asign I saw in a store - "nothing tastes as good as thin feels." Whichwas a very girly thing to say, but for some reason it motivated me.Wednesday was the hardest. It was our office manager's birthday andthey had cake in the conference room.Jasmine, one of the administrative assistants, handed me a piece ofcake. "No thanks Jasmine."She looked hurt. "You're not going to have cake with us?" Sorry, I'm trying to lose weight, but thanks."Chanique, one of the other admins, said, "Not even a small piece?" Shelooked genuinely hurt. I almost gave in. "I've been really good thisweek," figuring that.
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