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’A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, ‘I almost had an affair with another woman.’ The priest said, ‘What do you mean, almost?’ The Irishman said, ‘Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.’ The priest said, ‘Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You’re not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary’s and put $50 in the poor box.’ The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave. The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, ‘I saw that ... You didn’t put any money in the poor box!’ The Irishman replied, ‘Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that’s the same as putting it in!’Lemon Squeeze There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession. Upon entering the confessional, she said, ‘Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.’ The priest said, ‘Confess your sins and be. One of the middle aged men sported a small mousy looking mustache and the other one had a smart, trimmed Van Dyke beard and mustache, plus he was balding.At least they knew exactly what they were about and I expected I wasn’t the first lady to be laid face up on this padded bench at their tender mercy. I just wished everyone had kept to the script I had written and by now I would be enjoying being bred by six of the biggest dogs I had ever seen.Alas, my dear readers, my body and depraved mind was quite happy to have further horse de oeuvres to eat before the main course arrived. Italian cooking was one of my favorite cuisines and I wondered what variety of sausage would be about to be fed to me? Hot? Spicy? Or mild? No. I immediately eliminated the mild after seeing the weapons being sported in front of the cannon wheels.The young man went straight for my head. Yanking my shoulders with his arms to move my body up further, so my head hung over the end of the bench ready to receive.
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