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“Hey babe, do you want some coffee?” That earned me a grunt and some kind of whisper. I lay down to get my ear closer to her. “What did you say, baby?” The reply was guttural but I think I translated ‘coffee good, day bad’. Not a morning person, apparently.I puttered around the kitchen checking out the news and started the coffee, then realized I didn’t know how Melissa liked hers. I thought about just making orange juice when I realized there was another source. I grabbed my phone and texted Lavi to ask her if she was awake.I got an eggplant, eye-rolling emoji and some others that didn’t mean anything to me. I think the last one was poop. So, I texted back “huh?”My phone rang and greeted it. “Good morning Lavi.”I could hear the sleepiness in her voice. I’m guessing I woke her up. “Is everything OK?”“Yeah, I just had a question.”“What?” The tone indicated that she wished the phone had been turned off.“How does Melissa like her coffee?”I heard mumbling that I think may have been, “what. Crimson ballet pumps with six-inch heels and ribbons that criss-crossed up my calves. Finally, a selection of diamanté body art tattoos to decorate my wondrously exposed décolletage, buttocks and pubis and I was the yummiest, scrummiest, glitteriest, concentrated party adult ever. And so I wiggled and wobbled on tippy-toes out of the house and round to Candy's clutching her beautifully packaged, 'it's a surprise', birthday present. But it was me who got the birthday surprise for who should answer the doorbell but, OH MY GOD I can't quite believe I'm going to write this, Mr uber-kewl, soak-your-panties-or-cum-in-your-pants sexy, tween idol extraordinaire, ex-member of No Protection, Zain Love. Instantaneously my waterfall cunny deluged by thighs, my breasticules heaved and jiggled as if they were the epicentre of a Richter scale busting earthquake, and I started hyperventilating, and next thing I knew... Well, the next thing I knew was that Candy's Mumsy was slapping me really, really.
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