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He felt like he needed a drink more than anything at that moment. When they went down to the parlor, however, and Owen disappeared in the kitchen, Ryan stormed outside to get some fresh air. He inhaled and exhaled deeply, trying to calm his nerves and galloping thoughts. Ryan felt more than tipsy, but not drunk enough yet. He looked around. There wasn’t many of his peers left hanging around, but those who stayed were getting freaky in the pool, or at least it looked like so from the distance. Two questions were racing his mind: “do I want to go further?” and “does Owen want it?”.Owen found Ryan eventually, standing hopeless and shirtless in chill evening air. Owen asked if he was planning on joining the pool, to which Ryan shook his head earnestly and drank the drink he was offered immediately. Of course he wanted to go further with this alarmingly sweet boy. He just didn’t want to leave an impression that it was just a random, desperate hookup that drunk teenagers have to forget. He. I couldn't tell him I had turned off the light as a signal for my lover to know I was alone. He still didn't know of my summer affair.Sometimes I wondered if it would have been better if I had told him. I was miserable. How much worse could it be?We had sex once a week, fast, no nonsense sex with Danny always on top. When we used the last rubber he bought more. My suggestion that we dispense with using them and try to have a child was met with disdain. "Slow down, we have plenty of time," he said.There was to be a mid week freshman football game at the school. Danny called it a glorified scrimmage but he agreed to go with me, saying that he didn't know why I wanted to go. I knew nothing about football."Why are you cheering? The home team just turned the ball over," he admonished me. I couldn't tell him that I was cheering for Randy who was coming onto the field to play linebacker for the defense. God! He looked good in his uniform.I invited Eva to lunch, my treat. We went to the same.
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