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It was at one of these command performances that I finally got pissed off enough at Matt and Jackie to consider doing something to them. It was my wife's parents thirty-fifth wedding anniversary party and about two hours into it Jackie made some comment about the sad state of my in-laws furniture. It was a tacky comment to begin with, but what really pissed me off was the way Matt handled it. Instead of telling Jackie that they had spent all their money to get him a college education the asshole said:"It's what they are comfortable with my dear and they are happy with it."I got so mad that I almost went over and unloaded on the two of them, but my wife grabbed my arm and told me to let it go.But I couldn't let it go and it ate at me until I promised myself that someday I would do something to those two snobs. Over time however I forgot about it until another one of those command performances. This time it was the wedding of my wife's cousin. My wife was in bed with the flu and so I. I regarded both bunks by the dim light of my cellphone’s glow – because there were also no lamps – and chewed my lip. I didn’t want to be boxed in, and I really didn’t want Logan’s 170 pounds balanced on a flimsy piece of driftwood above me, but I also didn’t want to be stuck on the top bunk. If I fell off, it’d be a good sight more awful if it was from the top.It was choosing between cholera and the plague and I wished I could turn back time and bring my sleeping back and yoga mat - or, you know, just call aunt Mel and Hannah last minute and pretend I had caught some awful stomach bug and couldn’t come caving with the kids due to projectile vomiting and bloody diarrhea.I sighed wistfully and chose the bottom bunk, curled up and tried to ignore the slightly musty smell of the sheet and the way the blanket always left one foot cold. I closed my eyes and let my mind drift.Or I tried to.I caught myself listening to the music that vibrated eerily through the cave system, and to the steady.
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