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“I never thought about that before, but my bed is big enough.”He had a different look on his face when he lifted his head. There was something in his eyes that looked almost dangerous, somehow, as if he were angry.“I’ve dreamed of sleeping with you almost since I can remember,” he said softly.It may be understood, with a little reflection, that because Erica had pushed sexual thoughts and urges away from her all those years, it was only natural for her to think of “sleep with you” in a slightly different way than her brother did. To Erica, “sleep” meant exactly that ... slumber ... unconscious repose ... shuteye. Of course to Will, it meant the same thing as it means to the majority of people, most likely including you, the reader.What saved Erica from losing her virginity that night was an almost bizarre combination of circumstances.Once they were in her bed together, naked and breathing hard, had Will been whole, he would have rolled over and simply impaled her. He was not whole,. He remembered a friend of his in high school mentioning that women are turned off by this desperation, that they wanted men who were emotionally strong enough not to feel desperate at any time. He guessed men have to be self-satisfied around them as though a man’s world were miraculously secure, their futures certain, and their ability to build and fix things forever present. To deviate beyond this realm did seem like a human right, but one would have to forsake having a woman for the rest of one’s known life unless the deviance could be hedged in and covered up, forcing men like Charlie to pretend and never outwardly express any sort of weakness or past regrets at all. He might as well have been a machine, only that a man must find a way to make the women laugh as well. So he liked to think of her ideal man as a machine with a sense of humor, an entity she could manipulate and control while finding his simplicity, and perhaps his obnoxiousness, all too amusing. But then again, any.
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