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I think that was the thing that changed me most of all. Knowing that someone had unconditional love for me. And that was what made me finally able to let go and love myself. Sometimes at night I think about the night you died. I cry every time I remember the look on the nurses face, when I knew the end was near. She came in and pulled away the tubes. Then the doctor came, and they turned off your life support. I closed my eyes as I heard the rhythmic sound of your heart monitor shift to a single sharp note. I still hear that in my head sometimes when I close my eyes. I don’t think it’ll ever go away. But what I’ll remember even more is what happened just before all of that. They stepped out of the room to let me say goodbye. I ran my fingers through your thin hair and choked out words that I had thought I would get to sing to you every night for years. But this once would just have to be enough: ‘Hush, little baby, don’t say a word… Mama’s gonna buy you a mockingbird… If that. Wide like the ocean and vivid like its waves. In the silence of nature, I could hear the same breathings which I had heard in our late night conversations. It was an open invitation. Her mounds wee still exposed. I bent forward, I wanted to kiss her. She took my arms around her waist and closed her eyes. But I could not.. I started praying and luckily I saw some visitor coming towards our direction and we parted. We had lunch together, remained there for few more hours and then returned back. All these while, we refrained from looking at each other. On the way back home, I kept on thinking.. Does she have the same feelings as mine? For next few days I kept on rationalizing myself, tried to convince myself that Love knows no relations. It does not need a boundary.After this incident, I felt closer to her, felt more comfortable while interacting to her. I stopped myself thinking about my friend Nikhil. More interestingly, I started enjoying my patience and then this happened. She.
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