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"Sorry to hearthat." It's really annoying, you know?" I continued, leaning forward. "I mean,Max--that's my boyfriend, yeah?--he's like, such a nice guy? And reallyconsiderate, too, and I don't just mean with flowers and stuff, if youknow what I mean. He's got the most amazing touch." I fluttered my eyesas if in dreamy recollection. "But then sometimes, he's just such a jerk,you know?" Uh ... sure." The guy was rapidly developing a deer-in-headlight look."Of course you do, you're a man, right? So I mean, what's it all about?It's like, for example, last night we're having a great time and all, andthen suddenly he's trying to, you know, stick it up my bum, and I'm alllike 'what the hell are you doing down there?' and he's like 'I slipped'with this stupid smile on his face, and I'm not stupid enough to fall forthat one, believe me, and it's like he tries this almost every night eventhough I tell him I'm not that kind of girl, and when he tried again thismorning we had a fight and I....". Yes, I look like a perv, a dirty old man and I hope people notice as I walk along to the bookshop.Often I hang around for a few minutes before going in, in the hope girls will walk along and see me furtively going into the mag-shop. Usually I can’t wait too long as I’m very anxious to get in there and see what lovely mags they’ve got, as well as see the lady look up and say “hullo” politely, while probably thinking ‘it’s that wanker again, god he must buy mags by the thousand’. I do.Seeing the first few covers gives me an erection, if I wasn’t already. Some days I’m not as horny as others, but on my best days, looking at my favourite girls on the covers can make me spunk my pants before I’ve even bought the mag.Depending on the shop, my mac might be open or closed. If it’s Derby or Bedford, my mac’s open so when I go up to the counter She’ll see the whole mess of stains across the front of my wank trousers. She’ll see I’ve got holes in my mac pockets cause I put my hands through to.
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