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As I debated on it, my thoughts kept going back to the advice a dear friend had given me on the subject when I reached the end of my rope a couple weeks earlier: You cant take it back once its done, so be sure its what you really want before you do it, he said. But if youre going to do it, hold nothing back. You wont feel any less guilty if the sex really wasnt all that great, so give yourself to your lover completely while youre there, even if its just for an hour. If youre going to do it, dont be afraid to enjoy it. Better to explore every pleasure the two of you can offer each other, then if you feel guilty about it, youll at least have the memory of the wonderful time you had together. When we reached his house, he pulled into the driveway while I parked in the street, then followed him into the house. I kicked off my shoes once we got inside, and as he turned to lock the door, I turned around and debated on what to do one last time as my trembling fingers found the front of my. I wonder if one of my doctors is a Jewish prankster of some kind and arranged for the scars to look like that; I think several of them are Jews.”She smiled again, her guard still lowered. She reached out and laid her hand on my arm as she said, “That could be it, I suppose, or just the weird result of a lightning strike. It can do a lot of strange things to people.”I barely heard her, paying no attention to what she was saying because when she’d laid her hand on my arm she was suddenly there, in my head, her feelings and emotions open to me for the first time ever. Our candid moment of embarrassment and laughter seemed to have breached the barriers she’d erected and suddenly I was able to ‘read’ her, as I could with everyone else. It caught me by surprise, but I tried to recover.“Uh, lightning, yeah it does. Kills ‘em mostly, I guess, so what’s a few freaky Jewish scars compared to that?” I could feel her amusement, the sense of humor that had been triggered by my earlier stupid.
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