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Our games gave us a perfect alibi. You can imagine that I was dreaming of our games many a night and how they could advance further. At the same time, I had to restrain myself not to go to far. Already then, I realized that I had to be very discreet and as I grew up, my obsession became a very secret part of myself. Dating boys I found just boring as nobody realized what I was longing for and I had no one to talk to about it. Sex in some way felt like a half measure without what I was dreaming of. In all secrecy, I started practising self discipline in my early teens and afterwards, everything felt just so much more meaningless and empty. It was not just a dream. It developed into a craving for pain and humiliation that I neither could or wanted to control. I realized that it had to surface some day. I read everything I could on the subject and when I found 'The Story of O' it was like a revelation to me. I also wrote down many of my secret dreams and desires and mostly I destroyed. Jon said, "why don't you go take a shower" and without saying a word, I walked to his bathroom. I stopped at the shower and froze. Jon was behind me standing in the doorway and said, "strip down and get in" I did as he said, again without saying a word. I felt his eyes on me as I turned on the water and stepped inside. I faced the wall as the warm water washed over me. I soon heard Jon come on behind me and he turned me to face him. I sheepish looked towards the shower floor. I saw the water run down his hairy chest, over his big belly and through his thick mound of pubic hair then dripping from the tip of his cock. He looked manly, sensual and sexy. I didn't look up, but I heard him open something, I assumed it was a tube of soap. Jon placed his left hand on the small of my back and his right hand ran down my ass cheek and his fingers found my crack. Then I felt a well lubed finger press against my tight, virgin asshole. He held me close and began to push his thick finger inside me..
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