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Or, given what followed, perhaps she understood my gesture all too well and it frightened her. I heard nothing while Shoshana was away, but that didn’t surprise me, given the press of family matters, distance, and the decompression of recent divorce. As I initially wrote to her, we could take things as fast or slow as she wanted. New Year’s Eve passed, the work week started. No calls, no post card, nothing. I sent her an email with the jaunty subject line, ‘Welcome back from the land of’ and mentioned where she went. A deep unease was seeping into me, as if I stood on a deserted subway platform at midnight. I tried to forestall the chill with the phrase ‘write/call after you get settled in,’ so I could kid myself that she was just ‘settling in’ rather than ignoring me and hoping I would interpret her silence as a plea that I should just meekly go away. By Friday afternoon, I could wait no longer. I had to know. I called her cell phone, but she was in a meeting and said she’d call me. "You're my girlfriend." No, no, no!....no! No!" Jordan stood up pacing back and forth, "Theycan't, it's one thing they think I'm, I'm, I'm gay! But a woman? I can't!At least a gay guy can wear pants! What am I going to do!?" Well, you could tell her the truth and risk the job or..." or what?!" Pretend to be the woman they already think you are." Are you outta your cotton pickin' mind?! I can't do that! I'm not some,some, I don't even know!"Eric stood and hugged Jordan again, this time warmly wrapping his armsaround his friend as Jordan buried his face in Eric's chest.After a long hug and an even longer nap, Jordan had settled down and satat the dining table while Eric cooked thumbing the number he got today.'She probably thinks I'm a girl too.' Jordan reasoned even she didn't andhe was found out he could lose his job for misrepresenting himself orworse. "Hey, cheer up, man." Eric placed a BLT in front of his friend. "Weshould be celebrating. You got a job." Eric forced cheer into his.
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