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I did not know anyone who was gay. I had never even heard of the word bisexual. I had never thought of experiencing anything sexual with a guy.Despite this, I found myself very, very interested. To my surprise, I found myself turned on. While the visual image of his hard on is still memorable to me, I remember nothing of the conversation except for how it ended.I invited him to our private thatch hut room that evening. It was clear that the invitation was for a sexual experience.Since I had no previous idea that I could be turned on by a male hard-on, I obviously had never discussed this with Joan.When I saw her about 30 minutes later, I said something like, ”you will not believe what just happened.” While we had been going together for less than a year, we had talked about sexual fantasy. My sexual fantasy always involved another woman, but not another man. When I told her of the invitation I had made, she was immediately receptive, which only turned me on more.We agreed to a plan.. .I..," I can't say anymore because I totally break down and slide down thewall until I'm sitting on the floor.Alicia sits down and puts her arms around me and just holds me until Ieventually cry it all out. Finally, I'm able to look at her again and sayto her, "Alicia. I'm sorry... I.." Shhh Robbie, it's okay. That really doesn't change the fact that I stilllike you," she said as she softly kissed my forehead."Alicia, I like you too. The last think I'd ever want to do is hurt you,but I just can't be that... You deserve someone who's whole. I still feellike I'm only half a person..." I say drifting off.She just sadly smiles and stands up offering me her hands, which I takeand she helps me to my feet. She leads me into the kitchen and startscleaning the tears off my face with a clean hand towel. Fixing us both aCoke, we end up sitting in the kitchen for a bit just lightly touching onwhat I told her earlier. About half an hour later I think I had calmeddown enough to drive and as she.
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