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But I couldn’t possibly be what you wanted. I had to look at myself, be true to myself. I could not go against what I felt in my heart. Please, don't misunderstand. I’m not saying it is wrong for other women, it just wasn’t right for me. I thought many times, over many hours, about it. I asked myself, why couldn't I just do this? What was the big deal? What was wrong? Why could I not find a woman I liked and would be able to enjoy her? I even talked to other woman, read many stories about bi-women and threesomes. I read some beautiful stories and, occasionally, I even thought ‘I would love to have that with my guy.’ So, why couldn't I do it? I was confused. But, the real truth is that it was always the same. No matter how sexy the woman or how sexy the story or picture, I had no desires. I never found myself aroused. So, back on that final day, I think we both knew it was the end, it would be our last day together. Naked, I climbed onto your lap and you held me so tight, tears. He slept, woke up, made love to me, ate, then slept again. I spent quite a lot of time on his computer playing various games, and asked if he had a porn collection I could look through, for potential inspiration. He told me to check his favourites. Mostly lesbian stuff. Boring. Wesley wasn’t anywhere near as inactive, getting up early every morning and keeping to whatever it was that he decided he would do. He liked to knock on David’s door somewhere around 8am every day. ‘Rise and shine, bitches!’ It wasn’t always enough to wake me, but David hollering profanities back was. When Wesley was out, Hanna was at school, and his parents were at work, we had the house to ourselves for a chunk of the day. We didn’t quite walk around naked, but still, it was one of the most strangely relaxing and intimate situations I’d experienced. That household could be so loud when everyone was there, and eerily quiet when they were gone. I suppose it was a bit like a glimpse into the future. Was this.
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