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The Cardinals were pushing for a publicly funded stadium and I irked some of the ownership when I responded candidly to a question about the matter."I certainly agree the Cardinals need a new stadium," I said. "But as resident and a taxpayer, I expect ownership to provide a concrete plan to put forth a quality product before even I could support it."I gave my pat response when I was called on the carpet: You knew what you were getting when you drafted me.Jim Mason spent his cap money wisely and we were a much better team my second year. There was a different attitude in the locker room because Mr. Mason had focused on bringing in good players from winning teams, instead of signing the best player from bad ones, as the organization had done in the past.We paid a little above market value for a couple of players that fit a particular need and rewarded long-time Cardinal veterans who had taken pay cuts in the past with better contracts to keep them longer.By the end of preseason, I had. .. I was going to get mine.I turned the corner, Jean's parent's house perhaps a mile away, and it was if that corner wasn't only physical but mental as well. From one moment to the next my anger soothed and I began to feel shame. Shame not of what I had done – it HAD to be done – but shame at the revelry I felt. I didn't feel tired; I felt elated. Was this how it was supposed to be? Was I this person? I'd done my damnedest to make them pay. I'd laid out my revenge carefully, allowing nothing to chance. I was reveling in that revenge; was this who I'd become? Was I destined to be this bitter human being, revenging myself on all who I felt did me wrong?Emotions are a fickle thing. They come and go, come and go. Don't get me wrong, I was in no way sorry for what I'd done. I would NEVER be sorry. Amber and Dave deserved this and more. I knew that. They deserved a hell-storm and I could only hope that that is what they would get. I could only hope that they could get even the smallest part.
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