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You are neither thin nor fat, just fairly normal with a clearly visible waist and the usual female shape. Most people, both young and old, men and women, would not hesitate to use adjectives like pretty, beautiful, or attractive if they were to describe you. The ones knowing you better would also add words like diligent, ambitious, intelligent, nice and kind, but all this does not matter at all to the rest of the story, for diagonally behind you, inside a tall building with a clear view over the park and the stretch of street where you just now are walking is a, for the moment, very severely psychologically disturbed man watching you through the telescopic sight of his precision firearm. His hand does not tremble, and slowly the trigger is pulled closer to himself and in nearly the same split second the bullet penetrates, after having passed the green park, your head exactly at the point where "rear", "upper" and "side" have their joint locations, and only a fraction of a second. It was years ago you see, that my humanity was taken from me. I surrendered in a way that seems logical by definition in its demand that I no longer refer to myself, or even think of myself as, a person. Since I am now an object, chattel of limited value, an animal, I think of myself as an it a thing to be used, or not, by my owners or their agents. By the end of this sentence, I will no longer refer to myself as an I, instead it will refer to itself as just what it is, a thing, and use the proper words to do so. Ahhh. What a relief. To write of itself as other than an it, is stressful, reminding it of the way it used to think when it was a person, and the nightmarish pain that it now associates with the struggle it put up in fighting its surrender. You see, it's not that it lives without pain--on the contrary, it lives with pain every moment of its life. Just that it understands now that pain, abuse, degradation, humiliation, torture, punishment, service, and solitude are.
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