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So real, I thought as I released themto have a cigarette.Girly cigarettes, I thought as I pulled the slim white Virginia Slim frommy leather cigarette case with my long painted nails. I placed thecigarette in the middle of my lips and clenched the filter with my teeth,the way my mother does and anticipated the feel of morning mentholatedsmoke in my lungs. The craving for nicotine had become a familiar feelingin the morning.What do I look like, I wondered? I got out of bed and stared and walkedover to my full length mirror and stood in front of it. The first thing Inoticed...was everything!Logically speaking, I knew what to expect. I had just had surgery tobecome an older woman, so it wasn't like I had amnesia or a loss ofmemory. But I was still a 17 year old boy in my mind. Emotionallyspeaking, I had expected to see a short haired 17 year old ripped bodywith a dick swinging proudly between my legs.The creature staring back at me from the mirror was a naked and tiredlooking old woman. The therapist suggested it, so I did it. What surprised the hell out of me was that she wrote back. I quickly realized that it was not a polite write back. I would read and reread her letters. I didn’t know if it was because she took pity on me or what. She became a friend when I just lost my other one. She was the one that helped me to stop depending on the bottle in those first couple of months. She’s been looking out after me. ‘You know, she would ask me about you, but she never told me what to do or anything you ever said. It was a shock when I asked you to help and her cover was blown.’ At that we both started to laugh. ‘Scott, you said that they were filling in the roles of grandparents. Somebody interested in you but having no responsibility for you.’ He nodded and quietly added ‘How long do you think that they’ll be able to be independent? I don’t know much about that, but my buddies have told me stories about their grandparents declining.’ ‘I really don’t know. I think.
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