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I wish he looked like my husband, instead.The baby isn’t out yet. You’ll have to wait 16 years before he tells you he’s gay... Yes, ma’am, this IS the maternity hospital, but no. We don’t have any return policy.How can you tell if your gas station attendant used to be a porn star?When the gas starts coming out, he pulls out the nozzle, and sprays it on the windshield... You think of pirates as being all smiley. Actually, they’re all Somali... I was sitting in traffic the other day. I got run over.Inside a Russian woman, there’s another Russian woman.I was in the park the other day, watching a man feed the birds. After a while, I said to myself, “I wonder how long he’s been dead”.I have a friend who keeps ingesting helium. You should try it ... people speak very highly... Dear Hallmark:Roses are red, Violets are blue.Your cards are shit And your channel is, too.And the award for film of the year goes to: Cling.Cling Film.The difference between a nurse and a patient? Well, the nurse. I just feel I'm letting opportunities slip away simply because I'm not the kind of girl who gives it up on a first date. In fact ...” She paused and bit her lower lip, almost with embarrassment. “Can I tell you something, Alice?”“Of course, sweetie. I want you to feel that you're completely safe with me.”“I've never gone further than kissing a guy. I've had guys try to feel me up while kissing me, and I've felt a penis hard against my leg, but only when the two of us were still dressed. I've never had intimate relationships at all, not in a physical sense. Does that make me weird?”“Of course not, honey. You have to take things at your own pace. Don't let anyone tell you what you can and can't do. Look, why don't we go back to my room and see if we can explore this a bit further?”She smiled up at me and nodded in agreement. “Okay, let's go. It doesn't seem right to be talking about such things here anyway.”We took the elevator back to my room, and on the way I made a point of touching.
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